Friday, 17 April 2009

The Fall of Walkers Sensations

The First Age

I remember the original release of Walkers Sensations crisps. It was an exciting new development, and I have fond memories (ok, one vague memory) of tasting the first few flavours during lunch time at school. They were awesome.
The range grew and grew, adding more and more unusual and adventurous flavours (the short lived mushroom and white wine flavour are particularly sadly missed). And they became my crisp of choice on all occasions. The delight of seeing a new flavour in the shops is something I fear I shall never relive.
Because then, they disappeared.

The Second Age

What a joy it was to see Sensations return to the shelves. After gasping in disbelief at the removal of many favourite flavours however, I became disillusioned. The oriental cracker and poppadom ranges were a small comfort, and the delicious szechuan spice flavour appeared all too late.
However, the remaining flavours were still of a high quality (albeit a little less imaginative), and my faith in the brand was fully restored when they released their range of deli-style corn chips. Both flavours were DELICIOUS.

This too shall pass.

The Third Age

Recently, Walkers Sensations were re-released for a second time. This time, even fewer flavours survived, and several particularly uninspired new ones were created. The downturn in quality this time was obvious. The packet art has deteriorated from sophisticated to tacky, the flavour list from tantalising to dull. If this does not mark the death of the brand... well, perhaps it would be kinder if it did.

The final nail in the coffin of this once-great brand? A single phrase. A slogan. Brazenly emblazoned across the inadvisibly redesigned packet art;

"100% Real Ingredients".

WHO LET THIS THROUGH? Anything in the packet is by definition an ingredient. So how can something BE an ingredient, and yet not be a 'real' ingredient?! Life is hard enough without having to worry about the ontological status of every damn thing I eat.

"Because the chairman of Walkers crisps has begun to embrace solipsism, we can no longer guarantee the existence of any of our ingredients. May contain: Tomatoes that are an illusion created by a malignant superbeing, lambs plagued by existential crises and traces of the purely abstract.

Warning: Made in a factory where the workers frequently imagine nuts."


  1. Can't say I have been affected by the power of these crisps. Shame they're packed with 100% real ingredients though. Maybe there are 100% raw tomatoes in there...

  2. The end of this one made me snigger :p

  3. Nope - can't say I've ever been at the mercy of the Walkers advertising machine. Oh wait... they are still flogging Gary Lineker like a dead horse aren't they?

    Good to see some new examples - with such dry wit and a smidgen of Bill Hicks' ethos against 'the man' it always makes me smile.

    If you get to see the new 'Gold collection adverts' - there's some good material for you!


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