Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Start Your Day With a Healthy Breakfast, and an Unhealthy Lunch.

Product : Coco Pops
Suggested Alternative : "DO AS YOU'RE TOLD, YOU MUG!"

Seriously, this is the problem with advertising today. Instead of approaching us with a friendly, helpful suggestion of how to make a popular breakfast cereal into a snack to warm the cockles of your heart at wintertime ("Why not try them with hot milk?"), we are addressed in the manner of a cockney skinhead. You can almost hear the quiet, menacing growl as he holds you up against the wall by your neck, his other hand *probably* containing some kind of loaded firearm. "TRY 'EM WITH HOT MILK!" He demands, as you hand over your wallet and keys. I mean, why do they feel the need to drop the "th" in "them"? Are children really so impressionable these days that they even read with a speech impediment? All that's needed to make this an absolute classic among bad slogans is the word "Kidz". And possibly a flick-knife for the monkey.


Product: McDonald's
Slogan : "I'm Lovin' It"
Suggested Alternative : "Cheaper than Burger King and the Less Discerning Kids Won't Know the Difference!"

Nine letters. Two apostrophes. First of all, who's "I"? Justin Timberlake? I don't think I value that man's opinion particularly highly, given the bilge he pumps out under the guise of 'music'. Second of all, disregarding the ugly abbreviation, the verb "to love" is almost never used in the present tense. Surely if they wanted something quick and vacuous, "I love it" is only seven letters and at the very least grammatically sound. It avoids that horrid, horrid apostrophe too. Surely a corporation as big as McDonald's could come up with something better than Engrish as recited by a council estate bully.

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